‘I can marry your ex-husband but you can’t marry mine’: Double Standard Woman Marries Divorced Man But Won’t Let His Ex-Wife Marry Her Ex-Husband

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 26, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Marriage can be tricky. If things don't go according to plan, people can turn against each other, abuse can happen, and divorce may be inevitable. Divorce, as painful as it is, is so common that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Getting a lawyer involved with custody of kids, finances, and personal belongings can get ugly. 

What's more insult to injury, your partner moving on quickly, or your partner moving onto someone else quickly? It's always devastating to see your partner with a new person. And in this Reddit thread, the person was also married and soon-to-be divorced. In tough times we sometimes look for solace and empathy in people who can heal our pain. They may even be people directly involved in the situation…like your ex-husband's new wife's ex-husband. Talk about sticky! Hey, but whatever works works. Love has no rules. 

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  • 01
    Posted by u/throwRAOkPlankton 11 hours ago AITAH for getting engaged to my ex- husband's new GF's ex- husband?
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 02
    TL;DR: I finally went public that I got engaged to my ex-husband's new girlfriend's ex-husband and my family has started to resent me. Our kids don't want to see me and my ex-husband wants full custody.
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 03
    I (49F) and my ex-husband (50M, let's call him Kevin) got divorced and the straw that broke the camels back was when I came home with a present for him for our anniversary and he accused me of getting it from whoever I was sleeping with and threw it away. He didn't even open the present, which was a Rolex watch
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 04
    and expressed he liked. I talked to a divorce attorney after this and we filed within a month and he moved out. I told my attorney about this and he wanted to know where he moved out as Kevin wouldn't list his new address. It was revealed he moved in with his new girlfriend (50F, let's call her Jenny). I actually knew Jenny as our
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 05
    Jenny). I actually knew Jenny as our oldest kids have been in the same class since pre-k. I also knew Jenny and her husband (52M, let's call him Terry) just got divorced right before us too.
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 06
    It takes a little over a year to finalize the divorce since Kevin couldn't agree to any terms. A few weeks after the divorce, Kevin and Jenny went public with their relationship on a luxury beach trip. Terry sends me a friend request that I quickly accepted (I'll admit, at this moment I was being shallow because he's undeniably attractive. He's 6′3, tan from
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 07
    post and blah blah blah. The conversation quickly turns into making plans to get dinner and drinks one night. It was Kevin's first weekend with the kids so Terry and I went out. It sounds sappy, but in that moment, I knew this could be something. it felt natural talking to him and like I didn't have to walk on eggshells or tiptoe around
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 08
    things. He was the first person to actually look at me while I'm talking and we agreed on almost everything. I invited him over after we left and we had a few more drinks and watched a sappy love movie and had so much fun making fun of how unrealistic it was. We somehow finished a bottle and a half of wine so I invited him
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 09
    to stay the night. He offered to sleep on the couch but I told him he could sleep in the bed since I still wasn't sleeping well because I wasn't used to sleeping alone. The next morning, I made us breakfast and we agreed that we should do this another time and that it was great. As we were eating, Kevin texted me that he was down the
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 10
    road to drop the kids off. Terry rushed to her dressed and left. It felt terrible making him leave like that and of course, the first thing Kevin asked was about if he saw Terry's truck coming down our road. I told him nope and he dropped the kids off and left.
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 11
    That was 4 years ago and shortly after that, Terry admitted to me that he wanted a relationship and I said yes. We kept it private all this time because it's really no one's business to know. As long as we were happy together. We just celebrated our 4th anniversary and beginning in November, Terry started to hint that he wanted to
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 12
    propose and wanted me to move to his farm in another town since he lived an hour and a half away. Our anniversary was December 1st and he planned a surprise dinner with all our friends to propose to me. I couldn't believe that he really did all this for me. All our friends were incredibly supportive and agreed that we seemed happy together and deserved to be
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 13
    happy with each other. The next day, I made a post that we were engaged. This was the first post about Terry and I on each other's page. Right after the post, we started to get calls, texts, FB messages from Jenny's family, Kevin's family, and Jenny sent a long message to Terry saying she couldn't believe we would do this
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 14
    and didn't check with them first and how insensitive it was to get engaged when we "knew" her and Kevin were on a break because of the fighting. He ignored all her messages until we both got messages from my family saying we were people for getting engaged "inspite of Jenny and Kevin" and how they no longer wanted to see my kids and
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 15
    wanted to see my kids and wouldn't be attending the wedding.
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 16
    Kevin had the kids for Christmas and we were supposed to begin the normal split custody in January. Since the first of the year, the kids have said they don't want to see me and Kevin said he's talking with an attorney to change our custody schedule and that he wants full custody. I am finally happy with someone that loves me, planning a very small wedding with only
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 17
    very small wedding with only friends and family that was supportive of our relationship, and have two new stepsons that love me, but I feel so empty without my kids. I took them to meet Terry and he had been to dinner with us a couple times and he treated them like his own and he never got onto them or was mean to them. I feel
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 18
    so conflicted about what to do. My kids won't even talk to me over the phone and refuse to see me. So, am I the for getting engaged to Terry?
    via u/throwRAOkPlankton
  • 19
    no_thanks_9802.11 hr. ago I would look into parental alienation when talking with your lawyer over your ex's wanting a new parenting agreement and your kids not wanting to talk to you anymore.
    via u/no_thanks_9802
  • 20
    I'm not understanding why it was ok for your ex and his new girlfriend to plaster their relationship all over SM, but you make one post after 4 years of quietly dating and all.... breaks loose. Unless there is something you're
    via u/no_thanks_9802
  • 21
    Unless there is something you're leaving out, NTA.
    via u/no_thanks_9802
  • 22
    MoonLover318. 10 hr. ago I have a feeling that dad convinced the kids that mom was having an affair.
    via u/MoonLover318
  • 23
    Rainbow_Belle. 9 hr. ago Sounds like ex- hubby was the one cheating considering how fast he moved on.
    via u/Rainbow_Belle
  • 24
    jleek9 8 hr. ago And it isn't working out... "She 'knew' they were on a break" The kids are fine with it. Its dad that's having a
    via u/jleek9
  • 25
    meltdown and taking it out on his kids by taking away their mother.
    via u/jleek9
  • 26
    DirectlyTalkingT oYou 5 hr. ago The dad is 100% filling the kids heads with nonsense.
    via u/DirectlyTalkingToYou
  • 27
    kaleighdoscope. 8 hr. ago Also considering he freaked out about an anniversary gift he didn't even bother to look at, and accused her of receiving it from an affair partner?
    via u/kaleighdoscope
  • 28
    Sounds like projection.
    via u/kaleighdoscope
  • 29
    TheLadyIsabelle · 9 hr. ago Right. Especially because we all know Kevin and Jenny were having an affair
    via u/TheLadyIsabelle
  • 30
    jeepmandanSC · 11 hr. ago ΝΤΑ Your EX poisoned your kids. Shame on him. Sounds line the new man is a complete upgrade over the EX. Good for you.
    via u/jeepmandanSC
  • 31
    Your kids hopefully will see thru all his vitriol and come back to your open arms. You didn't cheat. Fate gave you good karma & your EX karma. F-him. And his new soon to be EX.
    via u/jeepmandanSC
  • 32
    You deserve happiness. Best wishes for a happy life.
    via u/jeepmandanSC
  • 33
    quent_hand · 8 hr. ago And why is your family mad at you because Kevin and Jenny are fighting? How is that your problem?
    via u/quent_hand
  • 34
    koalabear20 11 hr. ago NTA are your kids ok??? what have you done wrong? Their dad is allowed to have a new relationship but you aren't??
    via u/koalabear20

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